Depression and Lupus

Depression is a terrible thing and depression on top of Lupus or any other chronic illness is worse, in my opinion. It sneaks up on you and robs you of so much joy and happiness. It puts you in dark places you don't want to talk about. It makes you withdraw from people, social events that you once loved. People look at me, ask how I am doing, I smile and say "ok", what else do I say? Do I dare tell them the truth? Could they handle it? Probably not. Then the emotional part sets in and you cry at the drop of a hat, my family can talk to me in a certain way and I will start to cry. This is something new that just started happening, I am normally not an emotional person. I've been driving down the road crying my eyes out questioning my existence. What do I really do for my family, for my husband, for my son, for my daughter? I am not smart enough to help with homework. Half the time I don't feel like cooking, cleaning or performing my wifely duties. I don't get to visit my son as often as I would like to. If I weren't sick I could work, we would have more money, we could take more vacations. There are days when I cant get out of bed, not from the depression but from the disease itself, the pain, the fatigue...... I HATE lupus!! It's an awful feeling but we need to learn there is no shame in asking for help from our doctors. Depression is real, it's a chemical imbalance in our brain caused by the disease or not, it's real and at some point we need help with it. I have put it off as long as possible, not because of the "label" but because I don't want to take another pill and I honestly thought I could handle it on my own and without medication. Well, it became obvious I need the medication, may be temporary, who knows but right now I need it and I wish it would hurry up and start working.

I hope if you are struggling with depression, feeling sad, crying a lot or like me questioning why you are here you will get some help, talk to your doctor, don't wait like I did. You have nothing to be ashamed of, it's not your fault, it's not a sign of weakness and it's not something you can control so please get help.